I walked into the centre today to find Scarlett on oxygen, an IV and a feeding tube.
Right before I left the hotel, I had been catching up on one of my favorite NICU mom blogs.
I had left off at this post, and as I'm standing in the middle of the centre, unable to ask the nurses what's going on because they speak Hindi, furiously dialing my mom on my local cell phone-- knowing full well it doesn't dial long distance, and angrily swiping away tears after swearing I would never cry in front of my children, but unable to sneak in the restroom because for goodness sake I don't even have access to a "Western toilet," all I remember thinking is I really wish I had a NICU scrapbooking club right now.
What I really meant was I really wish I was home. With my family. In America. Where everyone speaks English. And where I sure as heck could find a "Western Toilet" to wash away my tears.
A discussion of a possible blood transfusion followed as did a question about whether I was the genetic mother.
Ouch.
Overall, a perfectly horrible, no good, very bad day.
Thanks to the amazing Bhatia family for allowing me to take over their suite with my tears, Scarlett's twin roomies' mommy for the hug, and my good friend Rahul for going to great lengths to cheer me up. Aside from providing the the best car service in India, laundry transporting and gym equipment purchases (more on this funny one later), he is also an amazing friend.
When his driver informed him that I had been "weeping" on the way home, he insisted on coming by and taking me to the temple. Indeed, we ended up doing a bit of temple-hopping followed by a really lovely dinner of Punjabi food in Connaught.
When I arrived home, I took inventory of the multiple blessings on my forehead, the red string around my wrist and the various good luck paraphernalia in my purse. I reflected on all the support I had received from my friends here in India, and most importantly, I talked to Scarlett's doctor who told me she would not be needing a blood transfusion at this time.
I've come to the conclusion that it's likely I'll survive... even without a NICU scrapbooking club.
Right before I left the hotel, I had been catching up on one of my favorite NICU mom blogs.
I had left off at this post, and as I'm standing in the middle of the centre, unable to ask the nurses what's going on because they speak Hindi, furiously dialing my mom on my local cell phone-- knowing full well it doesn't dial long distance, and angrily swiping away tears after swearing I would never cry in front of my children, but unable to sneak in the restroom because for goodness sake I don't even have access to a "Western toilet," all I remember thinking is I really wish I had a NICU scrapbooking club right now.
What I really meant was I really wish I was home. With my family. In America. Where everyone speaks English. And where I sure as heck could find a "Western Toilet" to wash away my tears.
A discussion of a possible blood transfusion followed as did a question about whether I was the genetic mother.
Ouch.
Overall, a perfectly horrible, no good, very bad day.
Thanks to the amazing Bhatia family for allowing me to take over their suite with my tears, Scarlett's twin roomies' mommy for the hug, and my good friend Rahul for going to great lengths to cheer me up. Aside from providing the the best car service in India, laundry transporting and gym equipment purchases (more on this funny one later), he is also an amazing friend.
When his driver informed him that I had been "weeping" on the way home, he insisted on coming by and taking me to the temple. Indeed, we ended up doing a bit of temple-hopping followed by a really lovely dinner of Punjabi food in Connaught.
When I arrived home, I took inventory of the multiple blessings on my forehead, the red string around my wrist and the various good luck paraphernalia in my purse. I reflected on all the support I had received from my friends here in India, and most importantly, I talked to Scarlett's doctor who told me she would not be needing a blood transfusion at this time.
I've come to the conclusion that it's likely I'll survive... even without a NICU scrapbooking club.
You are the best! Seriously! You are doing so good, those babies of yours are very lucky to have the mom they have. I am so impressed how you are handling everything. I've been to India and even though I loved it, I know how different it is to what we are used to, but you are adjusting so so well. I mean it.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait 'til the day you are back at home with Duane, Scarlett and Hayden.
I think I average about 1 I Hate India Day for every 7. Overall, I think those are pretty good stats!
DeleteOh, you really sound to have had a terrible day and I definitely understand that. My warmest wishes and thoughts and prayers towards you. I can only imagine how it feels to be alone there with two babies being taken care by someone else.
ReplyDeleteTHINKING OF YOU AND YOUR BABIES!!
Oh Bernadette, I'm glad to hear your day got better. I'm sorry it was a trying one. Never leaving my thoughts and prayers!
ReplyDeleteXoxox
Maria
Thanks, Maria! I've been thinking of you!!! Lots of prayers for you and Steve at the temples! xoxoxo
DeleteAll this will pass too.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be home soon.
Just hang on.
Your Friend, m.
Dear Mark,
DeleteDefine "soon."
Your Friend, Bernadette.
Bernadette,
ReplyDeleteI will be in India next weekend, If you need me please let me know , my e-mail is thundercats87@yahoo.com ,I know please dont laugh, I will be more then happy to comfort you and just sit and talk if you need it ok. All will be fine, your babies will be ok I know it in my heart. They will be ok they are fighters look at them fighting to be with you. Smile your a mommy and thats what matters.
Bern, the shitty days will come and go and they make the brilliant days that have happened and will continue to happen even better. I love that Avey and Rahul are there for you. Good people all of you! Scarlett and Hayden are very lucky bubs to have you as their mummy!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear of your tough day. We are thinking of you daily. You are an amazing woman! Hugs xxx
ReplyDeleteOh man, that is one suck arse day! It did turn out gangbusters though, that Scarlett, she is a tenacious one!! Thinking of you and your family.
ReplyDeleteDear Bernadette and Dearest Duane,
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear that our darling Scarlett has not been well. Send our love and prayers to her and Hayden.
Give our love to Rahul as well.
nw
Thinking of you! Those lil babies are fighters and will pull thru!! Glad to hear the day got better in the end.
ReplyDeleteHang in there and keep moving forward. That Rahul is a really good egg!!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you've held it together so long - you're an incredibly strong woman. You're already over three weeks in, it's only a matter of time until your home. We're thinking of you. B&C
ReplyDeleteI remember the toilet at DNC - and therefore your need to have one you could cry in. How lovely of Rahul to try to make you feel better. Hoping happy days are here again very soon.
ReplyDeleteLet's just say I've given up my morning coffee. No liquids before visits!!!
DeleteThey say the bad days come so the good days seem that much sweeter. Poor Scarlett. Sending all of you super positive healing thoughts and lots of prayers. And I'll throw in big, fat bear hug, too. We're thinking about you...stay strong.
ReplyDeleteThank you! (I really appreciated the extra hug!) Saying a gazillion prayers for all Scarlett's soon to be born mates!
Deleteoh poor Scarlett! And poor you! It must be so hard to be dealing with all that, so far from home, without Duane & your family. Glad you've found a local support network to cheer you up, though. And I hope Scarlett gets better.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your scare with Scarlett. My baby spent 1 month in the NICU 3 miles from our house. I can't image how hard it must be to not only deal with the ups and downs of the NICU but also have language barriers, cultural barriers and geographical barriers. You and your babies are amazing.
ReplyDeletecontinue to stay strong.your family is always in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteGod I love Rahul!! He is an amazing young man!! You my dear are also pretty darn tootin amazing yourself. Scarlett will improve, maybe not today, but she will. Have faith, scream, cry, drink!
ReplyDeleteIt is so wonderful that you have had such great support throughout this tough journey.With all this support around you ,you will survive,no doubt.There may be some ups and downs ahead(hopefully better days from now on) but at the end your little ones will recover..Believe it!!Hugs!!
ReplyDeletekathy