The Ultimate To "Not" Do List

I still can't figure out why I did it, but I did.

When our surrogate was approximately 12 weeks, I created an account on BabyCenter.

A new account.

For this pregnancy. You know, the one where someone else is carrying my babies.

And as we approach Week 22 of "our" pregnancy, I still can't pinpoint exactly why I did it. Maybe I just wanted some acknowledgement that I am part of "the club", or maybe I was hoping that once again I would be bombarded with daily deliveries of sample baby swag and actually be able to use it (for something other than target practice)... or maybe, just maybe, I wanted to see how close I could get to becoming that girl again. (You know, the blissful, infertility-ignorant, post my pee stick on Facebook girl. Yes, that girl.)

Whatever the reason, I have come to the conclusion that it was....stupid, stupid, stupid.

Indeed, rather than making me feel a part of  "the Birth Club" it instead serves as a constant reminder that I am Not pregnant, that aside from my bimonthly wire transfers I have no impact on this pregnancy whatsoever, and most recently, that I am seriously slacking on the baby preparations-- because, naturally, I am too terrified to make a move.

Of course, like most infertility downers, sometimes all you can do is laugh. Which is why I have taken the time to assess my progress on the most recent anxiety-inducing email I received from BabyCenter-- The Ultimate Pregnancy To Do List. You can check out my status below.

1. Make sure you're really pregnant. This one totally cracks me up. For the past five months I've been trying to figure out the answer. The evidence (aside from my once a month emails) is seriously lacking, hence, the verdict is still out...


2. Try a home pregnancy test or two in the week after your
period normally arrives. Did it. It was negative- shocking, I know.


3. Take your prenatal vitamin. The folic acid in these is especially important now – it reduces the risk of neural tube defects. Ahhh, one of those great infertility "bonuses." Four years and no baby but darn if I don't have some great lookin' nails. 


4. Investigate health insurance. Done. As you can imagine, it was pretty rough choosing from amongst those plans that cover out of country infertility treatments. 


5. Know what your health plan covers and where to get help if
you don't have insurance. Nothing and Nowhere.


6. Choose a caregiver. Thankfully, Dr. Google was still accepting new patients.


7. Ask friends, relatives, or your doctor to recommend an OB,
family physician, or midwife – or search online. Let's just say I think we've given new meaning to the "search online" option. 


8. Make a prenatal appointment. Get on your caregiver's calendar – but don't be surprised if your first appointment isn't until 8 weeks or later.
20+ weeks and still waiting...


9. Make sure your meds are safe. Ask your caregiver about any prescription and over-the counter medications you're taking. Rest assured the "meds" are safe. (Liquor cabinet has a lock.)


10. If you smoke, quit. No need to. Smoking raises the risk of a host of pregnancy problems, including miscarriage and preterm birth. You don't say. So do five prior miscarriages. Thinking I should've taken my chances with cigarettes.


11. Stop drinking alcohol. Start drinking alcohol. 


12. Make sure your activities are pregnancy-safe. Some everyday things may be hazardous now. Like signing up for BabyCenter, hanging out with visibly pregnant women and opening my email every morning.


13. Do your best to eat well. Nearing the third trimester and haven't gained pound!


14. Drink water. Drink wine.


15. Go to bed early. To compensate for staying awake all night worrying.


16. Learn the signs of a pregnancy problem. Like too much wine?


17. Cut down on caffeine. And just how exactly am I supposed to stay up all night worrying if I do this?


18. Think about when you'll announce your pregnancy. Oh I've thought about it plenty. Settled on sometime between "on a plane to India" and "when the babies are born." (But still feeling this might be a little too early.)


Note that this is the Trimester One List. For details on when I will brave opening the Trimester Two List, see above answer to No. 18.