That's right, though we are approaching our 18 week mark, there will be no big gender reveal a' la Doug and Bill for us-- congrats by the way on your NEWS-- which means I will need to suppress my inner planner just a while longer (which quite frankly, will be no sweat for a Club Infertility senior member such as myself).
If you are not familiar with surrogacy in India, not finding out the genders of the babies is par for the course for those traveling this route. And while your first thought might be seriously, having a baby half way across the world isn't enough excitement, they really need one more surprise?!? It is, unfortunately or fortunately-- depending on which end of the spectrum you fall-- not our choice.
Because it's against the law.
And to be honest, until I did a little research, I assumed it was some obsolete law that although still on the books, served very little purpose.
Sadly, however, I was wrong. Enacted as recently as 1994 and amended in 2002, the Pre-Natal Diagnostic Techniques Act prohibits the use of technology for sex determination in an effort to curb the unofficially dubbed "gendercide," an apparently, very current problem in certain parts of India.
This past month, ABC News Reporter Elizabeth Vargas published a report of her investigation of the issue.
And while one might question, after reading her report, if it is difficult for me, a wanna-be-mother on one side of the globe, who not only has the financial means to raise a child, but wouldn't hesitate to spend every last penny I've got (and even some that I don't) attempting to conceive a child-- any child-- to reconcile why I am incapable of having a child, when another doesn't-wanna-be-a-mother on the other side of the globe, who has no trouble conceiving but is under such financial pressure to bear a boy child that she would give up a girl child, is capable of having a child.
The answer, to be honest, is not really.
Because, as I approach my 30th birthday, inlessthantwoweeks, I believe that I am finally, after all these years, coming to accept a simply stated, yet incredibly difficult to grasp age-old lesson that goes a little something like this:
Life is just not fair.
Sure, we've all been taught the lesson and know that it's just the way things are, but particularly, with infertility, how often do we end up completely flabbergasted when we find ourselves here again, only to think, damn, how the heck did this happen?!? LIFE IS JUST SO FREAKIN' UNFAIR!
Nevertheless, it's one thing to wallow in this acceptance, and another to accept and move forward, tackling the obstacle head on.
Which I am proud to say we did in a very big way this 2011.
Infertility is unfair. But we have refused to let it stop us from becoming the parents we know we were meant to be.
It took time, and effort, and a whole lot of courage to travel to India and do what we did.
Just as it took time, and effort, and a whole lot of courage for our surrogate to travel to Delhi to sign on to do what she is doing for us.
But, damn, we are all determined!
And while we cannot stop infertility, just as we cannot stop the widespread poverty leading to gendercide, we can, because of our bravery, have the family we desire, just as our surrogate can, because of her bravery, make a better life for herself and her family.
To all my fellow readers to whom 2011 was particularly unfair, I wish for you the bravery to follow all of your dreams come 2012.