Upon returning home from India, I was shocked, saddened and a little sick when I heard about the Theresa Erickson Scandal. For my international blogging buddies who might not be familiar with it, in sum, a very prominent reproductive attorney rocked the infertility world by admitting her involvement in an international baby-selling ring.
I believe infertility blogging guru Lollipop Goldstein said it best with respect to how the community as a whole has been feeling since news of the scandal hit the press.
And while I couldn't agree more, it got me thinking about what exactly this means for our tiny little niche within the community-- those of us who have "chosen" (and I use this word loosely because nobody ever "chooses" infertility) to pursue international surrogacy.
On the one hand, it's obvious that we fare a bit worse. The already beaten and battered image of international surrogacy has suffered yet another punch to the gut, conveniently, at a time, when public perception seems to just barely be making its way out of the gutter. (A recent episode of the View illustrates this, as a consultant clearly bites his tongue when asked about Indian surrogacy-- refusing to say anything negative, just that in his opinion, U.S. surrogacy is safer. By the way, if you're planning on watching, fast forward through the Alexis Stewart portion-- her b*&#!y comments will make you want to throw up. Way to represent the IPs, A.S.!)
On the other hand, however, it appears we fare a bit better. The core reaction of the infertility community has been this-- how, when we are so reliant on field professionals to guide us through this godawful maze of infertility, will we ever be able to trust again, when we have been betrayed by someone who wore every badge in the book-- one, who so many looked to as a respected industry leader?
Frankly, as an international IP, I'm not sure I'm experiencing these feelings of distrust.
Because frankly, like most international IPs, I never had any "professional" support to begin with.
How many of us were shown the door when we approached our local medical professionals for testing and support? How many of us were unable to locate an attorney who was willing to put his stamp on an international surrogacy contract? How many of us have approached this whole damn thing with a feather in the wind attitude and a heck of a lot of faith?
I think, it's fair to say, a clear majority.
And yet, at the same time, while we are seriously lacking in the professional support department, we are simply BURSTING when it comes to peer support.
Since returning from India, my blogger email has been flooded with queries from intended parents. This morning, I spent a good hour and a half, answering questions and lending support. Not because I am getting paid, not because I am obligated to, but simply, because it makes me feel good!
Who has been there for me when I've had questions? For my mini-meltdowns? For my major freak-outs? Certainly not some "trusted" local professional.
No, those "trusted" advisors who I've relied so heavily on, have come in the form of my blogging peers.
Those, who have completed their journey, and are juggling (often multiple) little peanuts... but who still make time to write. Those, who are in the midst of their journey, racing around like madmen, trying to coordinate travel plans and work enough hours to pay the surrogacy bills... but who still make time to write. Those, who are contemplating embarking on the journey, and are filled with fear and anxiety... but who have put on a brave face and made the time to write.
So to all my international surrogacy bloggers... thank you for your unending support and please, keep on writing!
And to one particular blogger, whose story we have followed since first contemplating this journey, who, despite continual set backs never gave up on her dream of having a family, and who, is a true inspiration in every sense of the word...
I believe infertility blogging guru Lollipop Goldstein said it best with respect to how the community as a whole has been feeling since news of the scandal hit the press.
And while I couldn't agree more, it got me thinking about what exactly this means for our tiny little niche within the community-- those of us who have "chosen" (and I use this word loosely because nobody ever "chooses" infertility) to pursue international surrogacy.
On the one hand, it's obvious that we fare a bit worse. The already beaten and battered image of international surrogacy has suffered yet another punch to the gut, conveniently, at a time, when public perception seems to just barely be making its way out of the gutter. (A recent episode of the View illustrates this, as a consultant clearly bites his tongue when asked about Indian surrogacy-- refusing to say anything negative, just that in his opinion, U.S. surrogacy is safer. By the way, if you're planning on watching, fast forward through the Alexis Stewart portion-- her b*&#!y comments will make you want to throw up. Way to represent the IPs, A.S.!)
On the other hand, however, it appears we fare a bit better. The core reaction of the infertility community has been this-- how, when we are so reliant on field professionals to guide us through this godawful maze of infertility, will we ever be able to trust again, when we have been betrayed by someone who wore every badge in the book-- one, who so many looked to as a respected industry leader?
Frankly, as an international IP, I'm not sure I'm experiencing these feelings of distrust.
Because frankly, like most international IPs, I never had any "professional" support to begin with.
How many of us were shown the door when we approached our local medical professionals for testing and support? How many of us were unable to locate an attorney who was willing to put his stamp on an international surrogacy contract? How many of us have approached this whole damn thing with a feather in the wind attitude and a heck of a lot of faith?
I think, it's fair to say, a clear majority.
And yet, at the same time, while we are seriously lacking in the professional support department, we are simply BURSTING when it comes to peer support.
Since returning from India, my blogger email has been flooded with queries from intended parents. This morning, I spent a good hour and a half, answering questions and lending support. Not because I am getting paid, not because I am obligated to, but simply, because it makes me feel good!
Who has been there for me when I've had questions? For my mini-meltdowns? For my major freak-outs? Certainly not some "trusted" local professional.
No, those "trusted" advisors who I've relied so heavily on, have come in the form of my blogging peers.
Those, who have completed their journey, and are juggling (often multiple) little peanuts... but who still make time to write. Those, who are in the midst of their journey, racing around like madmen, trying to coordinate travel plans and work enough hours to pay the surrogacy bills... but who still make time to write. Those, who are contemplating embarking on the journey, and are filled with fear and anxiety... but who have put on a brave face and made the time to write.
So to all my international surrogacy bloggers... thank you for your unending support and please, keep on writing!
And to one particular blogger, whose story we have followed since first contemplating this journey, who, despite continual set backs never gave up on her dream of having a family, and who, is a true inspiration in every sense of the word...
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR BABY GIRL!!!
The baby selling story is horrific...sickening!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the congrats! We are definitely proud parents today!!
What a simply lovely post ( well minus the crappy scandal )! It makes us proud to be apart of such a lovely surrogacy community we have chosen. No one knows it better then us...we were the first to take that uncharted leap of faith with our clinic, and here we are today, a family of 5. You are so right, it does feel so good to help and for just that one person to say 'because of you, I have my child.' Off for another double feed of our little ones. ;)
ReplyDeleteDitto to Kerrie and Rhonda. Thanks for posting this.
ReplyDeleteWell said! I have been planning to blog about the view episode. Alexis Stewart was disgusting. Her view towards her surrogates is insulting and her story about her "bad" experience made me want to puke. I can't imagine how her surrogate felt.
ReplyDeleteI do wish they would have covered international surrogacy better. The attorney has to say that US surrogacy is better, otherwise he wouldn't have a job. The reproductive laws in this country are so frusterating and unclear.
The western medical profession are so arrogant and are threatened by the business they lose to international surrogacy. Thats just my humble view from what I have dealt with in Melbourne. Many do not even have an informed opinion but my GP was lovely so there are still SOME good one's out there!
ReplyDeleteI saw that episode in rerun and was so irritated with that "expert" on surrogacy. He all but said that people using surrogacy would go to jail. One minute he'd say something and then the next totally contradict himself. It was beyond confusing. To me, it seemed like he wanted to make people fearful enough that they didn't use any service other than his. I was sickened! Oh, and Alexis Stewart - ick - heaven forbid that she have to consider someone else in anything. I feel sympathy for how long it took her to have a child - but seriously - how cruel were her words??? Plus, she didn't even make a lot of sense. Bad choice for an interview.
ReplyDeleteWe toasted you two with dinner tonight. HUGE hopes you get the news you deserve.
ReplyDeleteK
I don't have words for how awful that story is. Some people are completely without morals/intergrity. We found this out in our own small way when we used a medical tourism agency that had mostly positive reviews to facilitate our first IVF/surrogacy process. Imagine the surprise of us and countless families when the money we had sent ended up not getting there/allegedly in the president's pocket. We were fortunate enough to get some of our money back, but we don't know about the other IPs. What cannot be restored is the trust we put into these people to help us build our family. We were also guaranteed four cycles, but we got two (one fresh, one frozen)when the "impropriety" surfaced. We paid for a donor who didn't exist and were held on a string for many months with no real updates or progress. Then, basically we were told that our contract was void, and we'd have to pay more than the original contract to start all over again. While I am glad Alexis Stewart finally got her baby after years of infertility, she also has the near-unlimited financial support of her mother. I know you hear me, fellow IPs, when I say that our credit cards are maxed out, we had to take out a loan, and we will probably never own a home. Infertility is expensive. Yet, if we have our family, everything will be worth it. We are just sad for everyone who invests hope, trust, time,and resources in agencies/people, only to be used and crushed. We are all blessed, however, to have the amazing support from the best blogging folks in the world: the surrogacy community. We are amazed and overwhelmed by the positive, caring nature of everyone who has commented or emailed. We are thankful everyday for the help/advice of Meg, for the awesome blogs, and for being led to Dr. Shivani, who is the fabulous real deal.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the long comment. When is your beta? Ours is the 23rd. Hoping and praying for BFPs for all of us!
We actually spoke the Theresa from USA last year; how scary.
ReplyDeleteShe told us that USA surrogacy with her firm was aprox. 100K (with donor egg included!).
After all the research my husband and I have done since 2009, we thought it was too good to be true, and abandoned the "offer".
We already have one child through surrogacy in India and have had first-hand dealings with an IVF clinic in the USA and 4 others in Europe so we had an idea of the costs per country, etc. for IVF, plus we had also profoundly looked into surrogacy with donor eggs world-wide and, knowing the USA legal and medical system, 100K seemed low for the USA, like 30-50k below the real total. It is so easy to let your heart dictate but since we no longer have 100k in savings, well, we couldn´t have signed on even if we had wanted to.
In the end, it looks like a good thing that we no longer have 100k retirement savings because we might have handed it over to Theresa!!! Instead, we returned to India and as of yesterday, are in the 2ww for our second child!
So much controversy (documentaries, articles, tv interviews) about surrogacy and exploitation and it turns out that the most gregious case has taken place in the USA!