Almost-Dad Shoes

I have come to realize that as a couple living with infertility, above all, we are most fearful of never getting to experience the "little" joys of parenthood. We have never once uttered that we are scared we will never get to attend high school graduations, that Duane will never get to walk a daughter down the aisle, that we will miss out on trips to Disney World (ok, maybe Duane has mentioned the Disney World thing once or twice-- but primarily because kids or no kids, he just really wants to go). Rather, our conversations have always centered around what Saturday morning cartoons we'll watch, what snacks I'll pack in my "mom" cooler for the pool, whether our Christmas day wake-up rule will be a strict 7:00 a.m. or whether it'll be a free for all anytime after 5. Yes, what we long for most are the "little" joys of parenthood.

One of the very first "little" joys Duane ever shared with me, was how he couldn't wait to wear "Dad Docksiders," accompanied, of course, by hiked up white sneaker socks. Naturally I knew exactly what he was talking about-- much to "teenage Bernadette's" dismay, her own father had always thought the same ensemble quite fashionable.

Since then, I've continued to have a recurring visual. Us, at the hospital, holding our new baby, and me, handing him a gift wrapped box containing a brand new pair of Sperry Docksiders with matching calf-length white sneaker socks. It's a lovely image that I can't help but hope will someday become a reality.

This Father's Day I wanted to do something special for Duane. For him, fatherhood has started long before the birth of our children. The sleepless anxiety-ridden nights, the exorbitant health bills, the seven day work week to ensure financial security. Darn if he doesn't deserve those Docksiders now--yesterday--three years ago, when we first started this journey, and he showed me that regardless of the outcome, he would always be by my side, and that no matter how we built our family, he would be the best damn father in the world.

I considered giving him those Docksiders today, but ultimately decided that no, I would wait, because there will come a day when we are holding our child, and we will have that special moment. (Plus, I knew that Carlos (our dog) would never fully be able to appreciate the embarrassing-Dad-effect those hiked up white socks have.)

Rather, I decided to give Duane Almost-Dad shoes; shoes appropriate for the point at which we find ourselves in our journey. Shoes, appropriate, for India. While we used to continually wish to skip right to the "end" of our story-- you know, the part where we finally have a child-- choosing to go to India, has given us a newfound appreciation for everything we would have missed out on had we gone the standard one too many glasses of wine-positive pregnancy test-nine months later baby route. It is fair to say that we never would have made plans to travel to India, that we never would have come into contact with our incredible online surro-family and the lovely Team SCI, and that the bond between Duane and I might never have become so strong, so unbreakable, so unyielding to the challenges that we have been and will continue to be thrown as a couple. As the richness of this experience begins to unfold, we are already finding it impossible to imagine that had we been given a choice of how we wanted to build our family, we would have chosen any other way.

So without further ado, I present to you, a picture of Duane's newest pair of Almost-Dad shoes-- Keen's water shoes, highly recommended by all of our online surro-family as the "It" shoe for travel during India's monsoon season. Rest assured they are equally (if not more) unfashionable than the Docksiders and as an added bonus can be worn with or without hiked up white sneaker socks.

To all the Dads, the Dad-To-Bes, and the Almost-Dads so patiently waiting their turn, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO YOU!!!